I Never Knew/I Always Knew
Black and white paper negatives, 4x5, 2014-2017

At the age of 30 I began to try and find my father who I had never met. I was unsuccessful but did manage to locate family members who knew him and provided me with images of him.

After seeing pictures of my father for the first time I came to find much of what I thought was unique to me was merely a facsimile of someone else. Looking at a face, a body language, and a person that is both familiar but strangely different I question my own perception of myself.

The relationship between a father and son is complicated, whether they have met in person, or if they only pose a memory that flows in the mind like water in a river. To represent this profound experience, one of seeing a face that was my own but wasn't, to know my DNA tied me so directly to a person I had never met, I created a series of self-portraits using paper negatives in a 4x5 camera.

I have also made a series of photograms to accompany the portraits. These photograms are made from pouring malt liquor onto black and white photo paper to make exposures and are a response to my father's alcoholism and his disappearance in my life as a result of it.